Confrontations with the otherkind

Exams may come and exams may go but I go on forever, one wise friend modified the lines of Lord Tennyson. Thus passed by my exams. A blaze of worry, repeated accusations of being a nerd, missing notes, so on and so forth. All of us waited impatiently for the advent of our much awaited holidays, with most of us heading off in different directions. Since my cousin was to come with me to Kerala, 10 days of fun was guaranteed. I frantically made calls to my friends to make sure that they would be free to go out with me. Tough luck, all of them would be tied up with exams.

Exams or no exams I left three of my best friends with no choice. They'll have to meet me whether they like it or not. We (my cousin and I) had our hands read by palmist at around 7 in the night at the Marine Drive. That was so creepily accurate. I was very sceptical at first, (yeah yeah, smirk all you want) but not any more. I refuse to write the content of my palmist's predictions, intending to leave the reader curious at this point. Next day I reluctantly headed off towards the most visited part of my city, Fort Kochi. My reluctance to visit this place were quite well based since this place was where some of my most humiliating incidents took place ( bet you expected me to publish that, psych!!). We went into a place where Ian Wright previously visited, went shopping, crossed the cobble stoned Jew town to the synagogue and hopped on to a ferry taking me back home. Looking back to that beautiful day brings back a smile....when my cousin declared that we'd see the world together, haggled for the best bargain, oggled at the Chinese Fishing nets, walked down the aisle to my fictitious groom in India's oldest European Church. I fell in love with the place where I spent almost all of my life all over again.

I wanted my all knowing cousin to meet my two best friends, BIG BIG mistake. All of them made fun of my "awesome" and "happening" life. Bah humbug! Their lives are about as happening as dead flies and bits of fluff. But nevertheless, I'm glad they bonded, even if it were because they were laughing collectively at me and my bungling errors ( I am the Queen klutz, I open my mouth and I stick my feet into it.) My friend drove me around the city at dusk the next day. We went into the most interior part of the city. Parts which still retain and reflect the original character of Kochi. We drove towards the light house and then began the long drive back. Somehow in this city of mad hatters without anyone around me realising, they'd inadvertently set off the clockworks, the slow, very slow process of "re- maddening" began within me.

Swords, dragons and dietcoke.

Too much chocolate can make anyone look like a turkey on the dinner table on Thanks giving. I closely resemble one of those now. I've given up on me... like my "wise" cousin says - a moment on the lips is forever on the hips! So prophetic. Everyday in every way I'm looking more and more like a fat turkey. Moving on to more happier topics, July was a month of mixed events...the month isn't over yet so The Panic Princess (yours truly) is not ready to make any comments on it.. except, so far so DAMN good.

Somehow everyone in my class gets a rude shock when I tell them I'm single...then they try to set me up with their friends. Geez leave me alone!! Its more fun making theories on the "Utopian man", Anuja and I came up with that one, its hilarious. As much as I'd love to put it on my blog, I must take into consideration the values and morals of the reader, hence I shall refrain from doing any such thing.

Things to do before the month is up:

• Find time and space to freak out (vent pent up energy).
• Write a bucket list.
• Flush it down the toilet.
• Call Nimma more often and yell at someone else for a change.
• Take lessons on covering up my tracks.
• Find some more time for my frequent escapades into the parallel universe.

It was a month of birthdays, internals (I pause to swear under my breath at this point) and whole lot of eating outs....I'm usually broke by the fifteenth of the month. Apoorva's 20Th was so much fun, it was simple and so damn sweet! Under the pretext of buying shoes for Nazia's sis, we took her shopping and brought her the prettiest kelly green tube top. Had it not been a gift I would have stolen it and runaway. So, she takes us to Mainland China for a buffet, we were in cahoots with the hostess there, Apoorva didn't know that. From the million appetisers to the desserts it was brilliant! I can't decide which part I liked best, when they taught us how to use chopsticks or Apoorva's surprised cum embarrassed expression when the waiters came with sparklers, guitars and chocolate cake (on the house) and sang for her.

All of us kept up our usual coaster signing ritual. I even plucked up the courage to compliment the chef...I'm so proud of me! We went bowling after that and I emerged as the least pathetic one, but at one point I had a sneaking suspicion that my hand might come right off its sockets with the bowling ball....my hand is going to throb like crazy for the next one week. I better get my act together and start running before I start resembling Queen Latifa!

Cribbing Mallu, falling coconuts!!!

Its been almost a year since I have been officially displaced from my home, kerala. I find the term "mallus" and "malluland" quite offensive because we've given ourselves proper respectable names! Considering the fact that of all the people I've come across, without any bias, mallus are definitely the funniest people, that's besides the fact that they can laugh at themselves (this does not include me). Every time I go to Kerala or someone I know from kerala comes to meet me the first thing that my non-keralite friends ask me is "How many coconuts did you get, dude??". OK!! I can think of a million other places where you get coconuts and a jillion other things that you can get from Kerala!! Yes "Kerala" does mean land of coconuts, but please if I hear the coconuts question one more time, I'll beat/bite that person repeatedly without any mercy!!

I would like to take time to clear all the misconceptions surrounding mallus and their highly complex relationship with coconuts!!
1) We do use coconut oil for cooking but NOT ALL THE TIME!!!
2) Not all mallus are "CRAZY" about tender coconuts and products from coconuts.
3) Mamooty is not my uncle (its not a coconut related misconception, but a misconception nevertheless).
4) Yes, there are a lot of kerala dishes made out of coconuts but not ALL of them.
5) All mallu freak accidents aren't because "a coconut fell on his head".